The Curious Case of Chris Carter

In 2013, Chris Carter played his first full season in the Major Leagues. Since then, he has hit 131 home runs, a mark only surpassed in that timespan by Chris Davis, Nelson Cruz, Edwin Encarnacion, David Ortiz, and Mike Trout, five of the most feared hitters in the league (Josh Donaldson is tied with Carter at 131). Last season with the Milwaukee Brewers, Carter hit 41 homers, tying Nolan Arenado (who gets to play half of his games at the launch pad known as Coors Field) for the most in the National League.

So it seems a little strange not only that the Brewers decided to release Carter this offseason instead of paying him the estimated $8-10 million he would have made in arbitration, but also that he is still a free agent nearly 2 months later and may be forced to play in Japan if no MLB team shows enough interest to sign him.

Let's take a little closer look at why exactly one of the most prolific home run hitters in the league today is still looking for work.

THE CASE AGAINST

Luckless in Glove

Any discussion about Chris Carter's shortcomings starts with his defense. It would be an understatement to say that he is a little less adept at securing the ball than the more famous Cris Carter.

Simply put, Carter is an abysmal defender and has been throughout his career. Although the A's and Astros tried him in the outfield, he most frequently plays first base (even while he was in the American League, he had more appearances as a first baseman than as a DH) where he rates poorly by just about every defensive metric. Among the 28 players who have spent at least 2,500 innings at first base since 2013, Carter rates third worst by both DRS and UZR.

Carter clearly profiles as a DH who can occasionally give you some innings at first, not the other way around. Although the Brewers signed him to be their everyday first baseman last year, I'd be surprised if many (or any) teams are looking to do the same this offseason, as any team looking for him to be a key contributor on offense has to trust that he gives you more with his bat than he takes away with his glove.

Swing and a Miss

It's no secret that strikeouts have been increasing across the league. 2016 saw MLB hitters strike out a whopping 38,982 times, and the number of total strikeouts has been increasing every year since 2005. Part of this is due to changing attitudes regarding the strikeout. Teams in this era are more willing to sign players who do less to avoid strikeouts if it results in more aggressive swings and better overall offensive output.

But even in this environment, Carter's strikeout and contact numbers are a huge red flag. Since he became a full time player in 2013, Carter has posted both the highest strikeout rate (33.2%) and lowest contact rate (64.9%) among all qualified hitters. When you put the ball in play, there's always a chance for something positive to happen (especially when you can hit the ball as hard as Carter), but you will always hit .000 on your swings and misses, and Carter whiffs A LOT.

The lack of contact also means that when he's not hitting homers, Carter isn't doing much. As mentioned earlier, Carter and Josh Donaldson both hit 131 home runs since 2013. However in that time frame, Donaldson has a whopping 249 additional base hits, including 52 more doubles and 8 more triples, along with 259 fewer strikeouts. In other words, Donaldson has about 2 extra seasons' worth of hits while Carter has 1.5 to 2 extra seasons' worth of strikeouts. Of course comparing most hitters to the 2015 AL MVP would look unfavorable, but the huge gap drives home just how dependent Carter is on the home run.

Although Carter has many positive attributes as a hitter, his inability to consistently make contact hampers his ability to actually utilize those qualities.

A Need for Speed

Listed at 6'4", 245 lb, Chris Carter is a big man, so it shouldn't surprise anyone that he is not among the fastest players in the big leagues.

Still, unless you're a DH who never puts the ball in play except on home runs (which maybe is what Carter is trying to be), your speed, or lack thereof, is going to make an impact on how much you're able to contribute on defense and on the basepaths.

We've already talked about Carter's struggles on defense, and his baserunning is not much better. He has had a negative BsR in each of his seasons, and has been one of the worst 60 baserunners by that measure since 2013.

(For those of you skeptical about BsR and too lazy to follow the link, all you need to know that it's a more comprehensive way of measuring a player's baserunning ability because it not only looks at stolen bases, but also at how often players take an extra base, make outs on the basepaths, and avoid double plays, among others.)

Carter's below-average speed hurts him on defense and limits his contributions on offense when he's not bombing the ball out of the park.

So in Chris Carter we have a player who can't field, struggles to put the bat on the ball, and whose poor foot speed is a liability on offense and defense. Why are teams even showing interest in a player like this?

THE CASE FOR

Power Overwhelming

Just as his defense was an obvious starting point when discussing his weaknesses, Carter's home run power is an equally appropriate kickoff for his strengths. The home run is one of the most exciting plays in baseball, and as mentioned at the top, there are only a few players that have been able to match Carter's pace over the last few years.

I mean, just take a look at this monster bomb:

 

Although we've already established that Carter's gaudy home run totals don't mean he's as good as those other sluggers, they still make him a potent weapon at the plate. Since 2013, Carter has posted a wRC+ of 113, simply meaning that he's created 13% more runs at the plate than a league average player. This puts him ahead of players such as Kendrys Morales (111), Wil Myers (110), and Mark Trumbo (109), who are also all more well known for their offense rather than defense.

(Coincidentally, all three of those players just signed new contracts or extensions this offseason, but more on that later)

Carter does not have the most diverse offensive arsenal, but his exceptional power is a unique weapon, and he has shown that he can use it effectively.

Wait for It...

You might not be able to tell based on his huge strikeout rate, but Carter is actually a fairly patient hitter who has a good eye at the plate. His O-Swing % (the rate he swings at pitches out of the strike zone) in 2016 was 24.7%, the 25th lowest in the league among all qualified hitters, and his overall Swing % of 43.7% was well below average too.

This patience has helped him draw walks at a high rate, as he's posted a BB% of at least 11.8% in each of the last four seasons except 2014 (where he still had a respectable walk rate of 9.8%). Carter's high rate of home runs, walks, and strikeouts make him the current king of the Three True Outcomes.

If Carter enters a slump, he can at least count on his eye to keep his OBP afloat, preventing his tendency to whiff from tanking it completely.

Do a Barrel Roll

Finally, although Carter often struggles to put the ball in play, when he does, he makes some of the best contact in the league.

According to Statcast, Carter had an average exit velocity of 92.6 MPH last year, good for 22nd among all hitters with at least 100 batted balls. He was also eighth in the league in barrels (balls that average .500 BA and 1.500 SLG based on their launch angle and exit velocity), with 56, putting him ahead of sluggers like Kris Bryant and Daniel Murphy.

Not that I need an excuse to post another Chris Carter home run, but here are the kind of numbers we're talking about:

Carter shines by basically any Statcast measure you want to look up, because his problem isn't making good contact, it's making contact period. As a 30 year old ballplayer, it's likely that he is what he is at this point. He's not routinely putting up league worst contact and whiff rates by coincidence. Still if he can make any kind of meaningful improvement in that area (say moving up from league worst to below average), the dividends could be huge because of the high quality of contact he's making when he does hit the ball.

There are few players in the MLB that hit the ball as violently as Chris Carter. The trick for him will be figuring out how to do that more often.

I think by now, we have a decently accurate picture of the kind of player Carter is. He has a limited skillset with very clear holes in his game but very obvious strengths as well. He's put up right around 3.0 WAR for his career, so if you're a team counting on him to start every day, you are probably not contending for the World Series. Still, it should still put him in the mix for a roster spot, especially when you consider that the aforementioned Morales and Trumbo inked new deals this offseason worth a combined $70.5 M over 3 years.

While those two are probably better players than Carter, I wouldn't think that the gap is that wide where they're getting paid $11+ M per season while he can't even find a job. But the answer lies in the most basic economic concept of all.

SUPPLY AND DEMAND

It's not easy to find an obvious landing spot for Carter, as he fills very specific, though useful, niche.

The Marlins showed some interest in Carter earlier in the offseason and for a time looked like a natural fit. Miami's starting first baseman Justin Bour is a fine player, but struggles mightily against left-handed pitching (career wRC+ of 55) and they also lack a good right-handed bat off the bench. However, as of last week, their 40 man roster was full, so Carter would have to accept a minor league deal to join the team. It could feasibly happen, but would be a steep drop from the $5.5-7 M I would have expected Carter to command at the beginning of the offseason.

Staying in Florida, the Rays are another team that could be in on Carter, although given their front office and relative lack of resources, his price would have to come down significantly for them to make the deal. Brad Miller currently sits atop of the Rays' depth chart at first base, although after they traded Logan Forsythe to the Dodgers, it may make more sense for them to shift Miller to second base and fill first with a player like Carter. He would also instantly be a key pinch hitter, as he provides a more dynamic right-handed option than Nick Franklin or Tim Beckham.

There are a few other teams like the Rangers, Mariners, or White Sox, that have uninspiring options at first base and/or DH that might be interested in Carter's services, but he might be too inconsistent for a team with playoff aspirations (Rangers, Mariners) or too expensive for a team looking to rebuild (Sox).

Unfortunately for Carter, this is a bad offseason for a right handed power hitter to be on the market. In addition to Morales (a switch-hitter) and Trumbo, veteran sluggers Edwin Encarnacion, Jose Bautista, Carlos Beltran, and Matt Holliday were all picked up in free agency.

Among available right-handed batters, Mike Napoli is a flat-out better hitter than Carter, and Franklin Gutierrez provides strong production against lefty pitching while also providing some defensive value in the outfield. And this is to say nothing of similar left-handed options who are still on the market like Pedro Alvarez, Adam Lind, and Justin Morneau.

At this point, realistically Carter's best shot at regular playing time and a sizable payday will probably be overseas. It would probably take an injury to another player to open up a spot on an MLB roster for Carter. Mark Reynolds, who has a similar profile to Carter with 251 career HR and a 11.3% walk rate against a 31.0% strikeout rate, was also available and signed a minor league deal, which could end up being Carter's only option if he wants to stay on this side of the Pacific.

Despite what I might personally think, it looks like MLB teams just don't require the services of 2016's National League Home Run King.

On Star Destroyers and the Glory of God

One of my favorite shots in movies and other media is when the director is trying to convey a sense of scale. This is typically seen when objects or characters are introduced to establish size or a feeling of grandeur. They often use something we as viewers are familiar with (e.g. a person, vehicle, iconic building) so we gain an idea of what we're doing with. This shot from the King Kong trailer is a good example of what I'm talking about.

King Kong's enormity is emphasized next to the smallness of something we would perceive to be average sized (i.e. this person). What this does is allow the filmmakers to show how big or how great something is instead of saying it or perhaps when words can't adequately describe it.

As another example, I could describe Darth Vader's Super Star Destroyer (The Executor) from The Empire Strikes Back using facts and figures. I could provide measurements or tell you that it is tens (or even hundreds) of times larger than most of the other spaceships we've seen in Star Wars. Or I could just show you this scene.

The shot of the whole ship is almost superfluous after seeing how insignificant a regular Star Destroyer looks compared to the Executor's massive underbelly. What gives you a better sense of the Executor, knowing that it is 19,000 meters long or seeing its vast shadow slowly engulf another spaceship in this scene?

I have been thinking and reflecting on this since this weekend's church service, which was about prayer and included a section on the glory of God (this links to where the point starts, but I'd recommend watching the whole thing if you have time).

As Pastor Adam mentions, God's glory can be one of the more difficult terms to grasp. He defines it as the "representation of the awesomeness of the character and the wonder of the Creator God." John Piper shares the sentiment when he says, "the glory of God is the manifestation of his holiness." It is not the awesomeness or the holiness itself, but rather the display and/or expression of those qualities. This is not to diminish God's glory, as we see in Exodus that even the faintest glimpse of the tail end of it caused Moses' face to shine brightly.

So given this, what should our reaction to God's glory be or what should our relationship to it be like? I believe considering scale in film can help us understand this a bit more.

1. Our purpose is the glory of God

So I think it's pretty obvious that the objects/people in the foreground of the examples above are just there to enhance the size of what is beyond them. As an unnecessary extra example, look at the cover of Pacific Rim, mostly because I really enjoyed Pacific Rim.

That giant fighting robot looks pretty cool right? And it would still look pretty cool if it was the only thing on the cover. The little girl in front, which you might not even notice on your first look, has no reason to be there except that her presence shows you that the jaeger isn't just some guy in a suit, but actually a gigantic machine.

Similarly, our purpose on earth is not to make much of ourselves, but to glorify God.

(Emphasis mine on the verses below)

Isaiah 43:6b-7

bring my sons from afar and my daughters from the end of the earth, everyone who is called by my name, whom I created for my glory, whom I formed and made.

1 Peter 4:10-11

As each has received a gift, use it to serve one another, as good stewards of God's varied grace: whoever speaks, as one who speaks oracles of God; whoever serves, as one who serves by the strength that God supplies--in order that in everything God may be glorified through Jesus Christ. To him belong glory and dominion forever and ever. Amen.

I think it's both helpful and necessary to remember why we are here and what our proper place in relation to God and His glory is. After all...

2. God's glory is intrinsic, regardless of what we do

As Christians, we often use the phrase "give glory to God" or variations of it. You don't have to go far to find a video of a professional athlete doing the same thing, usually after a victory.

But I have to remind myself that it's not the typical way we use the word "give." It is ridiculous to think that I, as a small human being, can meaningfully transfer any of my nonexistent glory to the almighty God. I can attribute glory to Him or celebrate it or proclaim it, but I could clearly not actually add to it.

The size of the jaeger in Pacific Rim or the Executor in The Empire Strikes Back is accentuated by, not dependent on, the smaller objects in front of them. If this isn't readily apparent, I've included two shots of the Executor. One with Star Destroyers for reference, and the other with the smaller ships (poorly) removed. 

Likewise God's glory simply is and abounds on earth. We must be careful not to confuse the fact that our purpose is to glorify God with the misguided idea that we can somehow take any credit for it.

Isaiah 6:3

And one called to another and said: "Holy, holy, holy is the LORD of hosts; the whole earth is full of his glory!"

Acts 12:24-25

The God who made the world and everything in it, being Lord of heaven and earth, does not live in temples made by man, nor is he served by human hands, as though he needed anything, since he himself gives to all mankind life and breath and everything. 

God's glory is reality whether or not we are willing to admit it. We can be thankful that even though we do not possess even a fraction of God's glory for ourselves, in His love and mercy, He has allowed us to take part in it. But in order to do that, we must remember that...

3. We must intentionally acknowledge and point to God's glory

It's somewhat redundant with the first point, but I think it's moreso a logical followup rather than repetition. After all, things are not used for their proper purpose all the time.

In keeping with the theme, let's look at this recent poster for the new Power Rangers movie:

Looks pretty neat right? Giant robots with trees in front for scale. Except that while that might be why they are there, they fail miserably. Look at the poster again, with a slight change I've made.

I moved the Yellow Ranger in the Zord down to where the trees are. You can see that for whatever reason, the Ranger's upper torso is about as big as that entire treetop. Now unless in this reboot the Power Rangers are like 20 feet tall (which I would not put past a movie studio), someone goofed up. The trees in the foreground are not conveying the proper sense of scale. In fact, they are making the wrong thing look too big!

How easy is it for us, for me, to do this exact same thing? There are so many opportunities to give glory to someone or some thing that is not God. It wasn't hard for me to find myself calling people or things great.

Great career Peyton #SB50

— matt leung (@mleung89) February 8, 2016

Great @TheAmericansFX

— matt leung (@mleung89) June 2, 2016

Hooooooooooooooly crap I've never seen a real breakup on this show before, this is great #Bachelor

— matt leung (@mleung89) February 26, 2014

Anyways...

You get the idea. Of course this is not to say that we can't or shouldn't give compliments, but we must remember that God is worthy and the object of our ultimate praise. Without that, we lose perspective and can be fooled into thinking we are good or sufficient on our own.

We might see ourselves like this Star Destroyer. Reasonably menacing by itself. A big ship compared to the small Tie Fighters flying around it. But this misses what the shot actually looks like.

Although God will have His glory regardless of what we do, that does not give us an excuse to leave Him out of the picture. It would be foolish for a filmmaker to shoot a scene ignoring the most important and significant object in the shot, and it is foolish when we live our lives that same way.

1 Chronicles 16:23-24

Sing to the LORD, all the earth! Tell of his salvation from day to day. 

Declare his glory among the nations, his marvelous works among all the peoples! 

1 Corinthians 10:31

So, whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do all to the glory of God. 

Everything we do on this earth points to Him. Our successes are a reflection of God's surpassing greatness. Our failures are a reminder of His perfection and grace.

There are many other questions that should be asked, like a further dive into why we glorify God or how we can even do so, and of course I don't want to pretend that I have made any kind of comprehensive or original look at the glory of God. But I hope that it is at least a useful starting point to start asking more and deeper questions. That's what this weekend's message was for me, and maybe this can be that for you.

Helpful links:

http://www.desiringgod.org/interviews/what-is-god-s-glory

http://www.desiringgod.org/articles/the-glory-of-god-as-the-goal-of-history

http://www.biblestudytools.com/dictionary/glory/

http://www.ligonier.org/learn/devotionals/the-glory-of-god/

QB Most Eligible

One of the easiest and laziest ways to look at a football game is to compare the teams' quarterbacks. As the highest profile position on the field, QB is just a natural starting point. In the case of tonight's national championship game, it's an interesting contrast between Oregon's Marcus Mariota, a senior QB and by all accounts a good guy, and Ohio State's Cardale Jones, who will be making his 3rd career start and once famously tweeted about OSU, "We're not here to play school."

As usual, tonight's game is on a Monday which means, as usual, it's going head to head with ABC's The Bachelor. And as it just so happens, Mariota and Jones share a lot in common with two of the ladies who seem to be in pole position to either win or become the next Bachelorette: Jade Roper and Britt Nilsson.

Let's get one thing out of the way with Jade: she's got naked pictures on the Internet. A time honored tradition of any Bachelor(ette) watcher is judging the appearance of the contestants on the first night. After all, you know nothing else about them other than what they look like. And of course, this is important to the Bachelor himself as well. With Jade, there's no mystery. Everything's already out there. Chris doesn't need the fantasy suite to see her at her most revealing. Of course, that still leaves the important questions of personality, chemistry, etc. Will Jade need these to get through the show? Probably, but not always. We've seen plenty of relationships go on based on purely physical attraction (think Ben F/Courtney, Juan Pablo/Andi) before crashing down either during or after the show when they actually had to spend time with each other. Can Jade show that she's more than a pretty face?

There is very little we don't know about Marcus Mariota. He has an exceptional career at Oregon, displaying skills and athleticism sure to catchy even a casual football fan's eye. Mariota has top-end speed, always seems to make the right play, and has flat out won, and won a lot, in the past couple years. He has all the intangibles you'd want in a quarterback. But there are still important questions. Much of his success has been predicated on being a better athlete than his competition. He's shown to be very capable at making reads after the snap and hitting the open man. But in the NFL, the playing field is more level. Mariota will have to take snaps under center, adjust his protections and read the defense before he gets the football, and he'll have to fire passes into much tighter windows than he's used to. Will we see this tonight? Probably not. He's been fine playing in Oregon's system, and of course it does not mean he can't succeed at the next level. But we've seen enough QBs with similar skillsets and who didn't have to play in pro style offenses in college get drafted and struggle. Can Mariota be the exception?

Britt didn't have the most memorable limo entrance. She didn't bring out a portable karaoke machine, didn't bring a (I hope) fake human heart, and didn't tell Chris that he could "plow the f*** out of her field any day." But there was something about her that just clicked. She was attractive, smiled a lot, and most importantly, she seemed real. Chris kissed her and gave her the First Impression rose, clearly making her a favorite for the season. Of course first impressions can fall apart quickly. What he thinks one night might not carry throughout the whole season. Can Britt keep up this relationship and lead the competition from beginning to end?

Not every school could start their third-string quarterback and win a game, much less have the level of success OSU has had. Heck, the Cardinals closed out the season starting their third-stringer and looked awful, and he's an NFL caliber player (supposedly). Though Cardale Jones started down on the depth chart, he's given OSU fans good reason to have confidence going into this matchup. He doesn't have the experience of Braxton Miller and is not as skilled a rusher or passer as JT Barrett, but when he hit the field for the first time, there was just something that felt right. Jones is humongous. When he barrels down the field, it's not a quarterback coming at you, it's a tight end, and the way he trucks people leaves no doubt. He is not the most polished passer, but there is no doubt that he has NFL-level arm strength. His throws have incredible zip and he routinely makes amazing deep throws. But we've seen this before, and no one wants to hear whispers of Jamarcus Russell. Jones has to prove that he doesn't just look good as an NFL prospect, but that he is a legit one. Can Jones show that he's the full package?

Enjoy the game, enjoy the show.

Witches Be Crazy

I was watching Frozen the other day (despite Let it Go being stuck in my head to the extent that I've considered trying to get it out with a cheese grater) when I realized that it's pretty much Wicked. I'm not sure what took me like 5 months to realize the similarities between the two. They're both notable for telling the story of their two female leads who become close, grow apart, then overcome obstacles to become close once again.

Wicked stars Kristin (Chenoweth), a short, plucky blonde, as G(a)linda, a girl who has a good heart (but no special powers) and sees the world from a bright, optimistic perspective, though she is somewhat naive and shallow. Opposite Kristin is Idina Menzel, a brunette veteran of the stage with a powerful voice, as Elphaba, a girl who is a bit of a loner, in large part because of her unique powers.

On the other hand, Frozen stars Kristen (Bell), a short, plucky blonde, as Anna, a girl who has a good heart (but no special powers) and sees the world from a bright, optimistic perspective, though she is somewhat naive and shallow. Opposite Kristen is Idina Menzel, a brunette veteran of the stage with a powerful voice, as Elsa a girl who is a bit of a loner, in large part because of her unique powers.

If that's all there was, it might be an interesting bit of coincidence. But does it stop there? Oh no no. To wit:

The Krist(i/e)ns



As mentioned, Chenoweth's Glinda and Bell's Anna have a passing resemblance. Galinda arrives at Shiz University ready to make friends, just as Anna is once the gates of Arendelle are opened. They don't have the special powers of their costars, fall for the wrong guy, and are forced to represent the people against the (perceived) villainy of Menzel's characters. Speaking of which...

Idina's Witches



Elphaba and Elsa are both big sisters with magical powers who would do anything for their little sister, although sometimes it backfires. Because of their abilities, they alienate others and live in isolation. Neither of them are all that Popular. They're so similar, I'm somewhat surprised "Elsaba" hasn't become a thing yet. ...what's that? It is? Nevermind.



Developing Friendship

 
In the beginning of the stories, neither pair spends a whole lot of time together. In Galinda and Elphaba's case, it's due to unadulterated loathing, while Elsa has isolated herself because she can't control her powers, no matter how much she might want to build a snowman. Meeting again at a party (at the Ozdust Ballroom in Wicked, Elsa's coronation in Frozen), they begin to (re)kindle a friendship.

The Wrong Guy



Wicked's Fiyero, a prince, shows up out of nowhere and charms Kristin's naive Galinda. They sing a catchy, carefree song expressing their love and how they are an ideal match (Now that we've met one another/It's clear we deserve each other/You're perfect/You're perfect/So we're perfect together/Meant to be forever). They later become engaged, but it doesn't work out as Fiyero falls in love with Elphaba.

Frozen's Hans, a prince, shows up out of nowhere and charms Kristen's naive Anna. They sing a catchy, carefree song expressing their love and how they are an ideal match (Our mental synchronization/Can have but one explanation/You and I were just meant to be). They later become engaged, but it doesn't work out as Hans tries to take over Arendelle and kill Anna and Elsa.

The Animal Song

Completely dissimilar in subject matter and quality, but you know I had to stretch a little bit right? You know what they say. Reindeer are Better than Something Bad (though both are among the shortest on their respective soundtracks).

The "Screw it, I'ma do me" Song



The wickedly talented Idina Menzel is well known for her vocal prowess. Unlike Enchanted, a musical Disney movie in which Menzel, the most tested singer in the cast, had her one song cut, both Wicked and Frozen let her loose in their signature and arguably best songs. Defying Gravity and Let it Go slowly pick up and allow Menzel to show off her pipes while also being extremely similar thematically.

I'm not doing what they told me to do anymore

Something has changed within me/Something is not the same/I'm through with playing by the rules of someone else's game

Don't let them in, don't let them see/Be the good girl you always have to be/Conceal, don't feel, don't let them know/Well now they know/Let it go, let it go/Can't hold it back anymore

 I'm soaring over my fear

Too late for second guessing/Too late to go back to sleep/It's time to trust my instincts/Close my eyes and leap

It's funny how some distances/Makes everything seem small/And the fears that once controlled me/Can't get to me at all 

No really, I'm literally flying

It's time to try/Defying gravity/Kiss me goodbye/I'm defying gravity/And you can't pull me down

Let it go, let it go/I'm one with the wind and sky

I should have been in Mean Girls because the limit does not exist (rough paraphrasing)

I'm through accepting limits/Cause someone says they're so/Some things I cannot change/But til I try I'll never know

It's time to see what I can do/To test the limits and break through/No right, no wrong, no rules for me/I'm free 

 I'm right here, come and get me

So if you care to find me/Look to the western sky/As someone told me lately/"Everyone deserves a chance to fly"

Here I stand/And here I'll stay/Let the storm rage on

You get the idea.

That took up way too much space. Let's shorten it up for the rest of this.

Demise of the little sisters
 
Not sure if it's worse to have a house fall on you or to be turned into an ice sculpture, but I think I'll do my best to avoid both.

The "WTF are those" creatures

Not pictured: Olaf, big ice monster, Dr. Dillamond, Tin Man Boq, Scarecrow Fiyero

The forgettable ensemble song


You have to be a pretty big fan to remember that March of the Witch Hunters and Frozen Heart exist, an even bigger one to know their titles without looking them up, and a massive one to know how they go.

As a fan of both works, it was fun to revisit the parallels in the two, intended or not. And with Disney developing a stage adaptation of Frozen and a film version of Wicked possibly "gearing up," we'll have many more opportunities to appreciate the two franchises.

Highlights of the Sleeparound

The (Live! 3 hour!) Bachelor finale was last night, and even though I only watched the first two or three episodes, there's something about the last episode + After the Final Rose show that has as much addictive crack value as all the previous episodes combined.

To commemorate Sean and (ugh) Catherine's "amazing journey" (I'm pretty sure those words are trademarked by ABC), the Grantland Crew had a fantastic post recapping the night. I would have written up something myself, but pretty much everything I would have said was written much more eloquently (obviously) by one or more of their writers and I laughed so hard reading this that the only thing I wanted to do was share. Please read the full thing if you have time.

The Bachelor Sleeparound: Final Roses, Final Lessons, Final Nationally Televised Humiliations

From "A Final Lesson for a Final Rose" - Mark Lisanti

When Sean failed, repeatedly, to generate any kind of closure-bestowing reason for choosing Catherine over the "incredible" Lindsay...it wasn't because he didn't have the answer. He had it the entire time, in the form of a nagging voice in the back of his head reminding him, over and over again, in whispers and in shouts, That girl wore a wedding dress her first day. You're not going to actually marry any of these people, no matter what you tell Chris Harrison on that stage, in front of an audience craving your empty promises. That's the deal. Pick the other one. Any other one.

"Why It's Almost Impossible for This Thing to Work" - David Jacoby

If my wife watched me tell some dumb chick named Lindsay that I loved her and then turned around and, minutes later, asked for my wife's hand in marriage, she would murder me. I would not be shocked if this program someday leads to a homicide. I would also not be shocked if the first person the police questioned was AshLee. 

"Sean is a Dick" - David Cho

The worst thing Sean did was tell Lindsay that he loved her WHILE THEY WERE IN THE MIDDLE OF BREAKING UP. Just to be clear, at this point he has yet to tell any girl on the show he loves her, but now, while in the midst of breaking this girl's heart into a million pieces on national TV, he decides to slip in that he "loves" her. WHAT IS THE POINT OF THAT, SEAN? I'm no love expert, but I DON'T THINK THAT'S WHAT YOU DO TO A GIRL YOU LOVE. 

"The Un-Style of Sean Lowe" - Sean Fennessey

There are two Bachelors every season: the man in the dark suit with the cinched cuffs and flowering pocket square, and the guy who dresses for a trip to Señor Frog's.

 "An Elephant (and/or Producer) Never Forgets" - Caitlin Mangum

[Lindsay] was the Tom Brady of the Sean the Boring Bachelor combine, except instead of running an unimpressive 5.28-second 40-yard dash, she somehow giggled and snuggled her way into Sean’s abs heart. In the end, however, the substitute teacher who once asked, “Is that a helicopter?” while staring DIRECTLY AT A HELICOPTER was kicked off, leaving hope for Catherine and full-time teachers everywhere.

When asked, for her ABC bio, what were the top three things on her bucket list, Catherine responded, “To eat traditional pasta in Italy, to go skiing in the Alps, and to ride an elephant in Thailand.” I repeat: TO RIDE AN ELEPHANT IN THAILAND.

If that’s not destiny (or prebooked travel and producer intervention), I don’t know what is.

House of Lies

I like to think of myself as a logical person. Most likely because of this, I also tend to like procedural shows, or at least shows with some kind of crime solving element (Castle, Veronica Mars, Murder She Wrote, etc). My favorite part is always inevitably the end, where the heroes figure out or stumble upon a key fact or piece of evidence, maybe something they overlooked before, that leads them to the truth and ties everything together. Once they have all the right information, everything is put in its proper perspective and the crime is solved.

Nothing about this Manti Te'o thing makes a lick of sense. Sports scandals, even the most bizarre ones, usually have an explanation. Sometimes they're crazy, but you can at least go, "Okay, I see how that makes sense." For example when Tiger Woods somehow had a massive accident backing out of his driveway, it seemed weird at the time. Then it came out that he had a mistress (then multiple mistresses) and his wife chased him with a golf club, which makes a lot more sense that he somehow backed into a fire hydrant or whatever.

But now two days out from the big reveal that not did Te'o's girlfriend not die, she never even existed, I'm just as confused as I was the first day, if not more. With every fact, interview, or statement, things seem to make less and less sense. Everything we think we know seems to bring up more questions. Let's have at it.

News breaks from Deadspin: Te'o's girlfriend Lennay Kekua doesn't exist. Her death was a hoax. The girl in the picture was a friend (or acquaintance) of Ronaiah Tuiasosopo.

This is the only point in time I thought I understood what was going on. Tuiasosopo and Te'o perpetuated this hoax in order to generate publicity. People have done strange things and told lies to boost their fame in the past.

Then the denials and the statements.

Manti has repeatedly said he wasn't faking it and was "never" in on the hoax.

Notre Dame came out in support of Te'o, including a teary statement from AD Jack Swarbrick who claimed Te'o was deceived and had told the school, who launched an investigation.

Reagan Maui'a of the Arizona Cardinals came out and said that not only did Kekua exist, but he's met her and were "good friends." As far as I could tell, he was the only person who claimed to have met her.

Today, a friend of Tuiasosopo came out and said that he admitted to the hoax and that Te'o had no involvement. It appears that two people from California had a cousin who was also fooled by Tuiasosopo in a similar ruse.

Other than Maui'a, these statements seem pretty straightforward. Te'o was the victim of a strange prank by Ronaiah Tuiasosopo. But if we assume these things are true, there are still things that don't add up and questions that need to be answered. Namely:

How is it possible Te'o and Kekua never met?
Te'o's father Brian told the story of how Manti and Lennay met and locked eyes after a football game. That doesn't take place online. He also talked about how Lennay has visited them in Hawaii. Why wouldn't Manti correct him or deny that fact? There's nothing to be gained from that lie (unless it's to keep the hoax alive). Manti's a popular college athlete. His family doesn't seem to be poor. Both he and Kekua have ties to Hawaii. In the 3 years that they knew each other, how is it possible that they weren't interested enough to actually meet up if in fact they were so in love?

Why didn't he visit her after her car crash or when she was on the brink of death with leukemia? Why didn't he attend her funeral?
This seems particularly heartless and confusing. I know if someone I care about was in such a dire situation, I wouldn't hesitate to fly across the country. But Te'o couldn't/wouldn't do that for the love of his life? The time frame between the accident and her death is shaky, but it was at least several months, more than enough time for him to go visit. And not showing up to her funeral? After carrying out a relationship where you unfortunately never met? You're not going to take that one last opportunity to finally see her in real life before she goes into the ground? According to Te'o, Kekua told him that it was more important to play in the game. But as Chuck Klosterman rightly points out, that's the stuff that belongs in movies.

"In real life, the dying sometimes say things like that. But in real life, we ignore that kind of advance directive once the dying person is actually dead. The reason we go to the funeral of someone who said "I don't want you to miss a game for my funeral" is that we are so moved by that kind of selflessness that going to the funeral becomes even more important. It's only in the fake world of sports that the heroic move is to take that kind of statement at face value."

How atrocious of a human being do you have to be to ignore someone you claim to love and care about who's gone through not one, but two life threatening situations?

Why was Notre Dame so quick to come out in such strong support of Te'o (but so slow to reveal their knowledge of the situation)?
I see three reasons why they would so adamantly back Te'o.
1. They believe his side of the story and trust his character.
2. They know the truth based on what their investigators uncovered.
3. They are trying to protect the program for a reason that remains unknown.

I say unknown because if it was as simple as just keeping the Notre Dame name clean, they could have distanced themselves until more facts came out. Te'o is NFL-bound and not part of their program. Staying as far away as possible would be the surest way to keep themselves out of it. By coming to his defense like they have, it indicates that they either believe his story or are trying to protect themselves.

Why did Te'o keep the hoax going (and then lie about it to Jeremy Schaap)?
In an interview with Schaap tonight, he claims to "never" have been part of the hoax or faking it. The problem is, Swarbrick had claimed that Te'o found out about the hoax on Dec. 6th via a phone call. During interviews in the coming days and weeks leading up to college football awards and bowl season, Te'o didn't reveal what he knew, but continued to talk about his girlfriend and her death. I'm not sure how anyone can spin that as not participating in the hoax. He knew he'd been duped and went on about his interviews like nothing had changed.

If Te'o is not involved, what is Tuiasosopo's end game?
People don't do things for no reason. If Te'o was in on it, it seems reasonable that the goal was to pump up his popularity and get his name and story out there. But if it was just Tuiasosopo on his own (or possibly with a few cronies), what's the point? There didn't seem to be any attempts at extortion. If the goal was humiliation, wouldn't it have been better to keep Kekua alive and have a big reveal on your own terms? What does killing her off do other than turn the person you're trying to embarrass into a sympathetic figure? Was it just for fun? After that long, when does it stop being fun and start being boring or borderline sadistic? It just doesn't make sense.

Other questions we don't know:
Who was Manti talking to on the phone?
How come no one caught that the dates of Kekua's car accident and death were inconsistent?
Why did Manti and Notre Dame sit on this for over a month?
Manti said he said things to suggest he met Kekua because he thought it would sound crazy that he hadn't (oh the irony). In the age of Facebook and Twitter, did he really feel like that was a stigma?
What's up with people who say they knew Kekua or knew Te'o and Kekua as a couple?

We're getting to the point where the most logical explanation that I've seen so far is a newspaper report claiming that Kekua told Te'o she faked her death to avoid drug dealers. That's the kind of territory we're in with this thing now.

I don't know what that one piece will be that's going to bring this all together, but I'm as anxious as anyone who's not involved to find out because this crap is making my head hurt.

Hall of Shame

A few weeks ago, my brother had to travel to Cooperstown for a work trip. I made the three hour drive up to visit and we went to go see the Baseball Hall of Fame.

I had never been to a hall of fame before, and to be honest, my interest in baseball dropped off pretty rapidly as soon as I stopped playing Little League. Still, I was struck by the sense of history in that building. I guess I was expecting a celebration of the individual, but in fact we didn't even get to the actual hall where all the players' plaques are hung until the very end of our visit. Instead, the majority of the hall is devoted to the sport of baseball as a whole which, thinking back, makes a whole lot more sense that the single-player focused museum I had in mind. There were floors and large areas dedicated to things like the origins of the sport, stadium history, or race in baseball, and the sections specifically about records and individual players (again, what I thought would be the bulk of the hall's focus) were just stops along the way.

It was incredible seeing pictures of true pioneers of the game, whether it was the first few baseball clubs or the first women in professional baseball. Some of the displays hardly resembled modern day baseball, but seeing pictures and items from a hundred years ago just added to the mystique. I felt a much greater appreciation for the national pastime.

Today, the results of the Hall of Fame ballots of the voting members of the Baseball Writers Association of America's were revealed and, perhaps not so surprisingly, no one was voted in. There are several great pieces (written by people much smarter and knowledgeable about the game than I am) about why this is a slippery slope and quite frankly, idiotic, but I wanted to take this opportunity to hate on one of my favorite targets of all time, Barry Bonds.

In his playing days, I hated Barry. As a Dodger fan, it burned to see a player on a rival team ripping up the league. His (at the time) suspected 'roid use made him an easy target, and the fact that he was by many accounts arrogant and not at all pleasant to deal with conveniently took away any guilt in drinking the haterade. I loved watching him and the rest of the Giants fail in the World Series against the Angels. Despite the fact that he was a perennial MVP contender, I wondered aloud during a game whether or not a hypothetical situation where he signed with the Dodgers would make me renounce my fandom (the decision: yes it would, and this Mexican fan who overheard turned around with a big grin on his face and high fived me). Of my entire college experience, one of my least favorite aspects was the fact that I'm an alum of the same school that he's from.

And yet. Barry was the best player I've seen play the game in my lifetime. I'm not old enough to have seen legends like Babe, Mays, Mantle, or Ty Cobb although you could reasonably argue that Bonds, with his total package, was better than many of those players. Barry was the ultimate five-tool player, and you'd have to look pretty hard to find a weakness in his game.

There's no question that Barry should be an easy first ballot entrant on the basis of his statistics. The power numbers are obvious, and to some, the most dubious, but before the 1999 season (which is when his steroid use is suspected to have started) Bonds already had 411 home runs and 445 stolen bases. To this day, he is still the ONLY member of the 400/400 club, and he achieved it in his first 12 (essentially undisputed untainted) years in the league. He was an eight time All-Star and Gold Glover, as well as a seven time Silver Slugger and three time MVP. And perhaps the most strange to me, during his unreal 2004 season, he led the league in on-base percentage by .140, which is the same gap between Todd Helton who finished 2nd and Jermaine Dye, who was 128th. Not only that, he could have finished the season with 0 hits in his 373 at bats, and still would have had a .376 OBP, good for 35th and ahead of players such as Alex Rodriguez and Mark Teixeira.

The only thing keeping him out is the steroid thing, the undeniable mammoth in the room. It seems unfair and overly self-righteous to apply a double standard to these players, whether they are admitted or suspected users. It's impossible to fairly or accurately assess the impact of steroid use on their performance and statistics (look at this list. Not exactly packed with sluggers and flamethrowers right?) Many baseball writers made a name (and a nice living) for themselves writing about the exploits of these players in that era. Now they want to apply what Buster Olney calls "retroactive morality" and try to pretend like those times never happened. They, and really, the game of baseball itself, had no problem turning a blind eye to what these players as it was happening (as I mentioned before, it was obvious enough to make these players prime targets for jokes even at the time) and reap the benefits of the excitement these guys were bringing to the game.

There are plenty of players already in the hall who used substances to enhance their performance, players who were morally questionable (or even bankrupt) off the field. And yet NOW we decide that it's not just okay, but even reasonable to deny access to both the greatest hitter and pitcher (Roger Clemens) the league has had in decades.

The steroid era happened. Baseball has moved on. Voting for these players would not be a celebration of whatever abuses they had, just an acknowledgement that in their time, they set themselves apart from their peers. With these players, baseball has the chance to take steroids head on, recognizing its ugly past. By trying to scrub it from its history, it looks like baseball is just trying to ignore the problem, just like it did in the 90s and early 2000s.

To me, the Hall of Fame is a celebration of baseball's greatest talent and its best memorial to its history. Denying Bonds, Clemens, and other deserving players entry is a disservice to both aspects of the Hall.

...or is this just Fantasy (football)?

Happy week 1 of fantasy football everybody. It's a joyous time of the year where we get to sit around, watch football, then brag about how our team crushed everyone...or make excuses for why this week went so poorly and we'll turn it around soon.

But it's not all fun and games, and one of the things that sucks most about fantasy is also one of the worst parts about the real NFL: injuries.

Sure, sure, in real life it's about a man's health and livelihood, but in the realm of fantasy, owners are plagued by who to start, not knowing who's going to play or how much someone's going to play even if they get on the field.

I have the great fortune to be in this quandary already at the beginning of the season, not knowing whether to go with players who will play but may be limited (Trent Richardson, Jamaal Charles) or capable backups who could get the lion's share of playing time today or just as easily take a backseat (Toby Gerhart, Rashad Jennings).

I could tweak lineups forever, but whenever I start feeling a little stressed, I think about my two favorite fantasy anecdotes. (Here and here)

The first is a story about Matt Hasselbeck from a few years ago when he was still with the Seahawks. I'll let Matthew Berry take it away.

It should shock no one that Matt went QB-heavy with his team, drafting not only himself but also his former real-life Packers teammate, Brett Favre. 

Like many people I meet, it's Matt's first-year playing fantasy. But he showed the objectivity of a wily veteran when, in Week 5, he decided to bench himself for the ol' gunslinger. It made sense. Favre was coming off a red-hot dismantling of Green Bay on "Monday Night Football," had seven scores in his past three games and was facing the Rams, among the worst pass defenses in the league. 

I'll save you the trouble of looking it up. Brett threw for 232 yards, only one score (plus a pick) and finished with 11 fantasy points in ESPN standard scoring. Sixteen different quarterbacks finished with more points than Brett that week, including such names as Josh Johnson, Chad Henne and Daunte Culpepper (against the Steelers!).

And sitting on Matt Hasselbeck's bench was, well, Matt Hasselbeck, who threw for four scores against the Jaguars and finished with 27 fantasy points. More than Tom Brady,Peyton Manning or any other quarterback that week. 

Think about that. He knew the game plan, he had as much control over an NFL game as any fantasy player could ever have, he wound up as the highest-scoring player at his position in the league … 

… AND HE WAS SITTING ON HIS OWN BENCH

The second story is somewhat similar, coming from Washington Redskins tight end Chris Cooley.

“The game [Roy] Helu started, San Francisco, I walked up to [Ryan] Torain in the locker room and said Dude you’re starting on my fantasy team this week and I’m hoping for a big week, I’m playing my wife,”Cooley said on the Junkies Friday morning. 

“And he’s like,Oh, cool man, yeah, I’ll see what I can do,” Cooley continued. “I went out to the field, and Helu starts. I’m in the LOCKER ROOM and I don’t know who’s starting. So it’s kind of a mix-up, and I’m not exactly sure what we’re doing or who’s going in.” 

Moral of the story? Don't worry so much about it because EVEN THE PLAYERS don't always know what's going on. All we can do is do our best and hope the Shivas of fantasy football look upon us favorably.  Hopefully I can actually take my own advice.

Old Habits Die Hard

With one more (at least I think only one) fantasy football draft to go, I was thinking about players one last time, and when I was looking at how I rated/tiered players, I realize that even though it's a different year, I fall into the same habits.

Do I have a good reason for this? No, not at all. I've pretty rarely been successful at fantasy football so it's not like I trust in my instincts to help me win since it hasn't worked out that way before. Am I even doing this on purpose? Not really, although I think my laziness has something to do with it.

But somehow I inevitably start thinking of players in the same way year after year, always getting sucked into the same traps. Let me show you what I mean.

The Jacoby Jones

I first started playing fantasy football a few years ago, and of course, I wanted to prepare myself by looking up all the best sleepers that no one else would know (this before I realized everyone reads similar stuff and therefore like similar players). I read about this guy, Jacoby Jones, WR Houston Texans. What could go wrong? He was a burner playing across Andre Johnson (actually that was Kevin Walter, but I KNEW Jones would take over) in a high powered offense and ready for a breakout (it was his 3rd year in the league). I thought he had the talent and the opportunity.

Flash forward to 2012 and Jones has just about over 100 receptions...for his career. Safe to say that didn't pan out, and it's been the running game that's taken over the show in Houston.

What did I learn here? Just because someone is fast and black and playing with a competent quarterback doesn't spell fantasy success. Does this stop me from picking up these WR hoping they'll break a 70 yard TD every game? Not at all. I'm the Al Davis of fantasy.

My 2012 Jacoby Jones: Alshon Jeffery (I actually still really like this guy. He's apparently big and got great hands, which could easily lead the Bears to feature him in red zone situations. Still, playing opposite Brandon Marshall and with a big armed QB may not matter if Matt Forte runs everything in.)

On the other hand...

The Denarius Moore

Last year I played in like a 20 something team NFL.com league. It was DEEP. And therefore I had to read up on much deeper sleepers than usual (at the end of the year I had guys like Jackie Battle, Preston Parker, and Dezmon Briscoe on my team. 10 points if you can name where they play this year...or last year).

I heard about this Denarius Moore kid in training camp and was immediately skeptical. He was playing for the Raiders, a team known for young players who flameout and Darius Heyward-Bey's name wasn't far from anyone thinking of picking a Raiders' WR. It was pretty clear that Darren McFadden would be the focal point, and even though Moore was looking good in camp, he still had to contend with incumbents Heyward-Bey, Chaz Schilens, and Jacoby Ford.

Then the season started, the guys in front of him got hurt, Moore got on the field and started doing things like this. Turns out he wasn't the usual Al Davis type who just flies down the field. Moore's big and has great hands as well, and injuries opened up opportunity for him.

It's easy to write off under the radar rookie WR as most of them don't do so well in the NFL. But as late round picks they can have really good value, especially ones who go late in the real NFL draft or even sign as undrafted free agents. Although it's a high profile position, WR is a relatively easy position to fill cheaply in the league, which can lead to people emerging out of nowhere after a fortuitous camp invite (see: Victor Cruz).

My 2012 Denarius Moore: Rod Streater (It's too obvious. He's the rookie WR in Oakland who's going to get playing time with Moore and Ford hurt. He's versatile and catches everything.)

The Cam Newton

Rookie quarterbacks never do anything right? They have to adjust to the speed of the game, the complexity of NFL defenses, and learning how to take command of an NFL huddle.

Cam threw all that out the window and had a monster fantasy year last season. Turns out the tools he used in college translated just fine to the big leagues. His huge frame and tremendous speed which blew college defenders away still got the job done in the pros. He added a disciplined regimen to learn the offense and surpassed most people's expectations as a passer, reviving Steve Smith's career in the process.

I still generally try to avoid rookies, but man, after a year like that, you have to consider the possibility that someone can repeat that.

My 2012 Cam Newton: Andrew Luck (RGIII is the easiest comparison, but I think he might be getting a little overdrafted. Luck is often available late, and since the Colts will probably be pretty bad again, he's going to get to throw a lot. He's smart and an excellent passer already. These qualities translate to the next level, it's just a matter of getting that game experience and feel for how defenses will play him. Who knows, maybe he can resurrect Reggie Wayne's career after a down season.)

One more, and it will be...

The Shonn Greene

Shonn Greene has the dubious distinction of fooling me several years in a row. One of the reasons RBs are so highly valued in fantasy football is consistency. Back in the day when teams had a featured back, you could count on even lower tiered backs for a solid 8-15 points a game just based on sheer volume. If you were getting 20 carries and resembled an NFL starter, you could probably manage 60-70 yards on the ground and maybe another 10 in the air at minimum. And if you could fall into the end zone once or twice, that's a bonus.

Greene was going to be the ultimate volume back. Sure he didn't look like he was going to be a worldbeater, but what were the Jets going to do? Throw it?

Greene's backups over the past couple years have been guys like Joe McKnight and an older Thomas Jones. It seemed like a foregone conclusion that he could take over the lead back role and flourish as an RB1 option. Unfortunately, he fell into that 8-15 point scorer category. Not catastrophic, but when your team wants to play smash mouth and your QB is Mark Sanchez, you'd think you'd have enough opportunity to break 100 yards more than 3 times in 2 years.

Still, what made Greene attractive basically applies today. He's got the job (Bilal Powell is his backup and likely 3rd down back) and will get carries. Just don't do anything cute and draft him for more than what he is: a low RB2/flex player.

My 2012 Shonn Greene: Doug Martin (There are certainly differences. Martin is much more of a playmaker than Greene and can actually play on 3rd downs. But like Greene, it's kind of assumed that he'll get 20+ carries a game even with the presence of LeGarrette Blount, who was a starting caliber RB last year. Not saying he won't, but even with Blount fading fast in the past few weeks, the fact that he's been in the league and done work before gives me pause before I take Martin as a clear RB1).


As always, the lesson is: never listen to me when I'm talking about fantasy sports. I'll probably just end up giving you bad advice.

McKayla Maroney's other talent

With the 2012 summer games winding down I thought it would be a good time to talk about one of my Olympic crushes (checks age...) one of America's sweethearts McKayla Maroney, one of the Fab Five gymnastics team. She's known for being a vault specialist (despite finishing second in the vault finals, leading to one of the greatest pictures/reactions of the Games), but there's one other thing she's better than her other, more hyped teammates: doing the Dougie.

She's definitely better than Gabby Douglas which is surprising

since her last name is Douglas. What, you thought I was going to say because she's black? ...well, that too.

k thx bai

It's completely surreal to me that I'm leaving for Connecticut tomorrow morning just a few hours from now. It feels pretty much just like any other night right now even though I know it's not. I left home from college and spent a couple summers interning in various places, but this feels different, more permanent.

When people have been asking me how I feel about leaving or living on the east coast, I've always answered with some form or combination of excited or nervous. Excited because this is the first time I'm really, really on my own. I get to truly be my own person far away from my home and basically everyone I know. I get to have a real job and make many more of my own decisions. Nervous because...well, the same reasons.

I think ultimately both emotions stem from my feelings about identity. In a completely new place, I get sort of a fresh start, a new chance to create and/or flesh out who I am. At the same time, in a lot of ways by moving so far away, I'm losing parts of myself too. It's weird to think about because do I really become a different person just by leaving one environment and going to another one? A lot of the time I (and I'd guess most, if not all of, us) find it easy to identify myself by factors that are easily picked out. What I look like, where I live, who I hang out with, etc. But, as I am learning extremely rapidly, these types of things can change so quickly and so drastically.

Leaving everything and everyone behind is teaching me that the only thing I can cling on to, and thus the only thing I can truly identify with, is my relationship with my God. It's not always perfect and often I falter, but I know that God is there to pick me up no matter how much I stumble. My relationship with Him and my belief that he is a good, loving, eternal God who has saved me and all mankind from a destiny of eternal damnation should be the basis of who I am and I want to work towards that each day. People and surroundings may change, but He does not, and as I'm getting ready for a huge move, I'm glad that I can hold on to that.


On a different note, we (my parents and I) will be spending the next few days driving across the country to my new home in Connecticut. This will be by far the longest road trip I've ever done, and I'm looking forward to a lot of boring roads and long naps while my dad is at the wheel. As disorganized and lazy and stupid as I can be, I will always be thankful to my parents for helping me out in this and I feel really lucky to have them in my life for this and many other reasons.

We'll pretty much just be straight driving and I don't even know if the places we're staying along the way will have wi-fi, but I'm going to try to tweet as much as I can, if only to keep myself from being too bored. But anyway, it's been a fun 22 years of my life on the west coast. I hope to make it back someday (someday soon, please), but I trust and leave everything in the hands of God because I believe His plans are better than my plans. Please do hit me up if you're ever on the east coast. See you on the other side.